Lance a Lot; A Story of Murder?

Digging through another notebook I found this story I started writing a while ago in rhyming limerick.  I think its fun.  I wonder how annoying an entire story would be to read.  It might be more tolerable with pictures, like in a picture book.  Photographs might be cool.  Anyhow, here it is.   Bold text will be Doug, black is Doug’s thoughts and the narrator, Blue will be Lance, and Red will be Liz.

I’m minding my own biz
walking down the street.
A tune in my head,
skips at the pace of my feet.

Then this happens all the time;
A passing glance,
‘Oh shit, I know that guy.’
That’s right, its Lance.

I hate Lance.
I pretend not to.
I smile and chit chat,
But Lance I hate you!

“Oh hey Lance,
how’s it going?”
“Good, how about you?”
“Good, good, how’s it going?”

Damn I hate that,
Its not awkward enough?
You already asked that.
Social situations are tough.

“Good thanks.
So how did you do on that paper?”
“Not too great.
But I’ll bet you aced it.”

Oh you’re so smart!
We all envy you!
You just want me to ask,
‘And how did you do?’!

“Yeah, I did alright,
I probably shouldn’t say,
I’m arguing the mark,
Could go either way.”

Who is this guy?
Who is he kidding?
It’s part of his character,
Totally fitting.

“Actually I got an ‘A’,
but I’m not really happy.
It should an A plus,
or so says my Uncle Chappy.”


“He’s a lawyer you know.
Practically runs the school.
He sits on the board.
Yeah, he’s pretty cool.”

Now I should nod?
Does it look like I care?
How long’ll this take?
“Yeah, that’s really not fair.”

“Well I should be going.
I’m meeting someone.”
“Well I’ve got time to kill,
maybe I’ll come just for fun.”

“Yeah, that might not work out,
my friend is not well.
He might have got cancer.
It’s too early to tell.”

“My dog died of cancer.
How tragic is that?
I’d much more preferred it,
if it had got my Mom’s cat.”

“That’s tragic indeed.
Must have made you quite blue.”
But the real tragedy,
Is that it didn’t get you.

Oh just my luck.
Look who it is.
“Hey check it out,
here comes big-tits-Liz.”

“Hey Liz, what’s up babe?”
“Hey Lance, hey Doug.”
This is quite awkward.
“Common boys, give a girl a hug!”

Liz is a girl.
She was Doug’s first.
She took his virginity,
she’d end up his worst.

Oh Liz, oh Doug.
What fond times they’ve had.
When good relationships fail,
the emotional destruction’s so sad.

Annoying as hell,
a laugh that would grate.
Lazy and slow,
a questionable mate.

She’s well over-weight.
But then so’s her chest.
With boobs made so big,
he over-looked the rest.

“So Liz where you off to?
We were just on our way.
To meet a cancerous friend.
You know, brighten his day.”

Whoa, whoa, what’s going on?
“No, not to be rude,
I’d rather do this alone.”

Thats as far as I got.


2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Kevin on January 21, 2011 at 8:21 am

    Ha, I have read this before, I like it very much, I wouldn’t mind a pic of Liz though, wink wink!


    • Thanks kev. I’m thinking Liz and Lance get together and leave Doug alone, although the public displays of affection would probably annoy the hell out of everyone. I’ll see what I can find for an appropriate picture.


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